


i really mean it when i say, i like you

by pepesaiko



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual!Akashi, Fluff, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary!Kuroko, slight angst because its me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 02:12:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4503885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepesaiko/pseuds/pepesaiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He tried so much. He had opened up a porn website right after and tried to even remotely find interest in intercourse but he couldn’t. He had stared at the man pummeling into the woman with the same interest as watching the news. He slammed his laptop close and buried himself in pillows.<br/>What’s wrong with me?</p>
            </blockquote>





	i really mean it when i say, i like you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kurokos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurokos/gifts).



> this was inspired by asexualakashi's amazing headcanon about ace!akashi pls give her some props for this wonderful hc >>  
> http://asexualakashi.tumblr.com/post/125808588899/but-imagine-asexual-akashi-seriously-imagine

He felt something wrong their second year of middle school.  It was during health class when they were discussing it.

“Each and every one of you will have sex at one point of your lives,” their health teacher had asked, causing an eruption of giggles and blushes all around the classroom. Akashi had stared at the teacher, eyebrows furrowing and he had raised his hand.

“But what if you don’t want to?” he asked.

“Oh don’t be silly, Akashi-kun, you want to have children, no?”

“But-“ and they had moved on from the topic.

//

It wasn’t an epiphany or a sudden realization or anything like that. It was gradual. He remembers their first year of middle school, Aomine talking about girls and Akashi was not dumb, he watched the news and read stories online. He knew what sex was- or at least the concept behind it. But it did not interest him.

Midorima had informed their team he would miss practice because of his mother who was in labor. They had gone to the hospital the day after the birth to visit his mother.

Midorima Asami was exhausted but thrilled to see her son and his teammates and Akashi had stared at the little girl, pink and tiny with little tufts of foresty hair peeking out from her cap.

“I can’t wait until Shintaro-kun gives me little baby grandchildren one day,” Asami had laughed, making Midorima turn as red as a beet.

Akashi couldn’t stop the guilt gnawing away at his stomach.

//

Asexuality. It was what the internet had named it. He was just simply not interested in the idea of sex. He had frowned and sat atop his bed and said the word out loud a bunch of times because it simply did not sit well in his mouth.

“A-sex-ual-ity”

“Asex-uali-ty”

“Asexuality”

“Hello, I’m Akashi Seijuro and I’m asexual”

He had stopped saying it out loud because it made him sound silly and also because the maids started giving him weird looks after that.

//

Akashi had his eyes on him the very moment he laid eyes on him. It was strange how one boy could escape his line of sight so easily. Kuroko Tetsuya was immediately moved to first string and Akashi had felt happy seeing the look of joy and surprise on his usually blank face when he told him the news.

“Thank you, Akashi-kun! I promise I won’t let you down!,” he had exclaimed, leaning down for a perfect 90 degree bow.

“I know you won’t, Kuroko,” he smiled.

Somewhere along the way, he started to enjoy Kuroko’s presence more than he expected. Kuroko was quiet and respectful, he lit a fire inside Akashi. He was not afraid to deny Akashi and that’s what made him more enamored than ever.

“Kuroko, are you seeing anyone right now?” They were walking home one day after practice. The sky had begun to darken and the rest of the first string had already left long ago but Kuroko had helped Akashi with clean up.

“What do you mean?” Kuroko had replied, blue eyes wide and unblinking. Akashi found himself lost in them.

“Are you dating anyone?” Akashi asked, his usual confidence suddenly fading away.

“Not at the moment,” Kuroko said, eyes darting between Akashi and the vanilla milkshake in his hands.

“Good,” Akashi smiled, and he entwined both their hands together. Kuroko hadn’t said anything about it but the redness of his cheeks said all Akashi needed to hear. It wasn’t a written agreement, it just happened. Akashi felt they were suited for each other and it wasn’t until Kise pointed out that Akashi was now Kuroko’s boyfriend did it sink in.

_He had a boyfriend._

//

They went on dates frequently, mainly on Akashi’s wallet- he didn’t want Kuroko to spend a dime with him and they wouldn’t usually go to very expensive places. The park, quiet bookstores, peaceful ponds where they would languidly walk and exchange small kisses and long talks.

They would talk about everything- basketball, school, each other- until it got to the topic.

“What high school is Akashi-kun going to?” Kuroko had asked, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip.

Akashi had sighed, “My father wants me to go to Rakuzan High School- in Kyoto,” He didn’t miss the way his heart clenched when Kuroko’s face fell. Rakuzan was expensive, it was a private school. Kuroko lived a small life and he knew he could never afford the tuition.

“I see,” Kuroko said smally. Akashi was quiet, not knowing what to say.

“I-I hope we’ll see each other more often then,” Kuroko had spoken up and Akashi briefly wondered if Kuroko had thought they were going to break up.

He had picked up Kuroko’s gloved hands and squeezed them. “I’m willing to be with Tetsuya for as long as he wants me,” he had said, pressing a kiss onto his cold lips. Kuroko had warmed up completely.

//

Rakuzan was very large and very upper class. Students lived in dorms and everything about the school screamed ‘privilege’. And Akashi was on top of that list.

“Man, Akashi gets ALL the ladies,” Hayama had whined during practice one day. Akashi had signed up for basketball his first day at Rakuzan and, not surprisingly, he got in and was made team captain. That just added to the popularity.

Akashi had furrowed his brows at the question.

“So who are you going to bang first, huh? Kimiko-chan or Yuki-chan?” Nebuya had laughed. Akashi had grown increasingly uncomfortable, excusing himself from practice to go back to his dorm.

“Um, Akashi-san?” Akashi looked at the blushing girl in front of him. He knew her, she was in his Chemistry class. Nagisa.

“I just want to you to know I’ve liked you for a really long time and I hope you accept my feelings!,” she had exclaimed, face red and holding out a box of chocolates.

“I’m sorry, Nagisa, I’m asexual,” he had said, and the weight off his shoulders was unbelievable. He hadn’t even realized how much he was holding in with that one sentence.

Almost immediately, Nagisa moved back. “I-Is that contagious?” she had said, face twisted.

“No, you’re mistaken, it’s actually a sexual orientation-,” he had started, eager to explain more to Nagisa but the girl had looked at him, look of disgust and ran off. Akashi had frowned at her unusual behavior and went back to his room.

The next day, the entire 5,000 students of Rakuzan High School knew about Akashi’s asexuality. They didn’t make Akashi’s life hard, but they didn’t make it easy either. They were too scared to mock him (due to Akashi’s position in social standing) and they were obviously too scared to come near him (they thought it was contagious). Akashi briefly wondered how many of Rakuzan’s students got in by intelligence alone and not money.

It was a sense of hurt he had not felt in almost eight years- since his mother’s death. They made him feel like an outsider, someone who didn’t belong.

“Doesn’t he have a boyfriend? Is he cheating on him?”

“Asexuality doesn’t exist!”

“He has to have sex one day”

“It’s all a joke!”

Over time, it had died off but it still left a giant hole in Akashi.

//

“Akashi-sama, your father wants to see you,” his butler had called to him one night when Akashi was studying in his room. He had nodded and got up, wondering what his father wanted to speak to him about. They didn’t get along much and whenever they did talk it was about grades and business.

“Seijuro, do you have a girlfriend?” Akashi was taken back by the question and stumbled over words to answer him.

“No, father,” he had answered, looking downwards. Masaomi had spun his chair around to face his son.

“You are aware that in your standing as heir of our conglomerate you are to find a wife and present yourself with children as heir to your position,” he had said firmly and narrowed his eyes at Akashi.

Akashi had swallowed the bile rising in his throat and glared at the floor.

“Yes, father,”

“So stop with this asexual nonsense, it doesn’t exist,” he had snapped. Akashi was quiet.

“Yes, father,”

//

He tried so much. He had opened up a porn website right after and tried to even _remotely_ find interest in intercourse but he couldn’t. He had stared at the man pummeling into the woman with the same interest as watching the news. He slammed his laptop close and buried himself in pillows.

_What’s wrong with me?_

//

Kuroko and him would go to each other’s house often. They saw each other more their second year at high school than their first year, mainly due to Masaomi’s recent absences from their house.

They would huddle up under pillow forts and read books, Kuroko inside Akashi’s crossed legs, surrounded by the warmth of Akashi’s chest and arms as Akashi read him his favorite works of literature.

“Akashi-kun,” Kuroko had said one night. They were lying on the couch, Akashi a blink away from falling asleep.

“Yeah?” Akashi said, opening one eye to look into Kuroko’s unwavering ones.

“I think I am in love with you,” Kuroko had said and Akashi’s heart _soared._

His relationship with Kuroko was unchanging. They were sweet, soft and down to earth, but Akashi knew Kuroko wanted more. It drove him mad that he couldn’t give it to him.

Whenever their sweet and gentle kisses got too much, he would gently pull away but he noticed the look of longing Kuroko had and the guilt started eating away at him once more.

He was 17, a healthy teenage boy, yet he couldn’t give his boyfriend the one thing teenage boys had on their mind at their age.

It was one day, at his house, did Kuroko speak up. Akashi could tell it was coming from long ago. Since they had started watching the movie, Kuroko could not stop fidgeting. He noticed him opening his mouth at some points and shutting it, obviously changing his mind.

“Akashi-kun,” he started, looking down. Akashi looked at him.

“I-is there something wrong?” Kuroko had asked, fidgeting with his hands. Akashi quirked an eyebrow.

“With what?” he had said.

“I mean- I just, well- We never- we never really _do_ things,” Kuroko had stammered, cheeks turning red and Akashi swallowed, knowing where the conversation would lead.

“I don’t understand,” he lied.

“We- we never have _sex,_ “ Kuroko said the last part very quietly and Akashi sighed, turning off the TV. Why was he so scared? He knew this conversation would be coming for a long time. He was quiet, not knowing how to put it into words and watched as Kuroko looked at him with wide eyes, ready to apologize.

He had took Kuroko’s hands and looked him in the eye.

“Tetsuya, I-I’m asexual, it’s my sexual orientation and well I-I don’t- I don’t have the desire to engage in intercourse,” he says, stumbling over words, not aware of how scared he felt. Kuroko had accepted him immediately, pulling him into his arms.

“Akashi-kun, I never knew!”

“You could’ve told me sooner, I will always support you”

“I love you no matter what we do, Akashi-kun”

“It’s alright if we never have sex, I’ll be fine, we’ll be fine,”

Akashi was _almost_ brought to tears with the immense relief he had felt. The feeling of acceptance by his _boyfriend._ He had held onto Kuroko tightly, letting a few tears shed as Kuroko’s soft hands wedged through his hair.

//

Their relationship was perfect. They didn’t need sex with the amount of emotional closeness they felt. Akashi defied his father’s words of finding a wife and Akashi Masaomi begrudgingly accepted his only son’s wishes.

That didn’t mean he didn’t help his boyfriend’s needs. He would see it some nights in Kuroko’s eyes, the lust that clouded them and he would kiss him softly, gently, touching him and grabbing a vibrator off their box of treasures and circle his hole gently, prepare him first before sinking it in, smiling as Kuroko gasped and panted above him.

He loved cuddling with him after, stroking his hair as he came down from his orgasm, wriggling until he could capture Kuroko in a cuddle sandwich and they’d drift asleep like that.

Long nights were spent talking and playing games. They would quote books and the other would try to figure out what book it was from, they played board games, played kitchen and more importantly-they loved each other. Akashi loved seeing Kuroko smile and Kuroko loved seeing Akashi happy.

//

During their third year of high school, Akashi noticed something. He noticed Kuroko being more quiet than usual, and of course he was worried. He brought him down on the couch, searching his crystal clear eyes for answers.

“What’s the matter?” he had asked softly, caressing his jaw.

“I’m nonbinary,” Kuroko blurted out and Akashi stopped caressing his jaw and when he had noticed Kuroko’s scared, frightened eyes, he saw himself in them and pulled him closer.

“That’s fine, I love you. What are your pronouns?” He asked him sweetly and watched Kuroko struggle with words.

“’He’ is fine, it’s easy enough I suppose. Sometimes ‘they’, but, you know, mostly ‘he’” Kuroko had said, fingers toying with the hem of his shirt.

“That’s fine, do you want to watch a movie?” Akashi smiled at him, watching Kuroko’s eyes widen in relief and he smiled, big, and nodded.

//

It was one afternoon, driving home from school, to their shared apartment did Kuroko blurt out,

“I think I want to try wearing eyeliner,”

Akashi had glanced over, and then took a sudden, very sharp turn that had Kuroko slamming up against the window with a sharp noise of surprise.

“Akashi-kun?” Kuroko had said, surprised, nervously clutching at their seatbelt.

“We’re going to go get you eyeliner,” Akashi said casually. He knew Kuroko wasn’t okay yet. Akashi watched him look at makeup when they went shopping and when he offered to buy Kuroko would back out immediately.

Kuroko had insisted the entire time that Akashi didn’t have to do this, but they still leave the store with three different colors, and head straight to their apartment. Kuroko’s hands had been shaking too hard to put the makeup on correctly, and it smudged a couple of times before Akashi took the eyeliner, looked up a video on YouTube, and put it on Kuroko himself.

“You look beautiful,” Akashi breathed, when he finished. Kuroko was too busy looking at his reflection to retort. Akashi grabbed his cheeks and pressed kisses all over his face.

//

On Kuroko’s 19th birthday, Akashi woke him up, almost jumping in excitement. Kuroko had laughed, looking at his overly eager demeanor. Akashi kissed him on his cheek, telling him to come downstairs and Kuroko had smiled at his behavior but obliged.

And sure enough, he had come downstairs, eyes wide at Akashi at the foot of the stairs, _dozens_ of perfectly wrapped boxes surrounding him

“Happy birthday, Tetsuya,”

Akashi had made Kuroko wait an hour before opening them. Sweaters and skirts in odd pastel colors that Kuroko had been quietly eyeing longingly for weeks. Akashi noticed because he noticed everything, and he bought just about every single one. There was makeup and accessories, everything he had noticed Kuroko look at.

Kuroko had started crying, wrapping his arms around Akashi tightly. “One of these days I’m going to do something for you that makes _you_ cry, so it’s not me crying all the time,” he had said, struggling to not break in another fit of tears.

He said as much and Akashi had just smirked and pressed a feather light kiss to Kuroko’s temple and said, “I’d like to see you try.”


End file.
